Jasmine was adopted from the Humane Society of the Pikes Peak Region on Tuesday.  She’s about a year old, and a Siamese mix.  Jas is a lover, for sure, she likes to be on your lap and in your face helping you do whatever you are doing.  She’s adapted well to life with Chewie and Dusty, less well to life with Daisy , she just can’t understand why we would keep food in a fancy pink cage.  We are sincerely hoping that this is our first truly indoor cat, as she has shown just no interest at all in going outside.  If she does, it will be hard to keep her from it with the dogs and the kids running in and out all the time.  She’s super skinny right now because the shelter had to pull one of her teeth (it was broken) while she was there, and that was so sore for her that she didn’t eat, but she’s over that for sure now, and working (hard!) on getting back up to her fighting weight.  So far she has been extremely good with both kids, even when they carry her around the house like a stuffed animal.  I am, of course, absolutely smitten with my kitten.  :)

Toby, you were an awesome cat to have around, and we miss you bunches.  

toby

Todd wasn’t a fan of my great hamster plan, which involved telling the grandparents to buy a hamster cage for Kayla’s birthday, and me buying her the actual hamster, so I let it go, and got her a movie.  Pretty sweet, right?  Movie, hamster, it’s all entertainment.  

What we didn’t forsee was that Kayla got a lot of money for her birthday.  Like enough to buy a hamster and every possible accessory one needs for a hamster.  So we had to revisit the great hamster plan, with Kayla getting everything herself, and this time Todd agreed to it, ending the argument with a heavy sigh and the words “She’s going to kill it, and if she doesn’t the cat will.”   4 hours later, Cookie the gay hamster was ensconced in his pink cage in Kayla’s room.  

Fast forward 2 weeks, to yesterday.  I go into Kayla’s room to wake her up, and the pink cage looks a bit… hazy.  Not only that, but the entire downstairs smells suspiciously of coconuts.  There is a surfboard shaped bottle of some perfume called ‘Stoked for Girls’ laying next to the cage.  Cookie does not look well.  So, being up for parent of the year and all, I scream Kayla awake and tell her, look, I think you killed your hamster, were you spraying that perfume in there?  She tearfully tells me that yes she was.  Why?  Not because it smells or anything, she replies, (thanks for cleaning my hamster cage day before yesterday mom never came up) but because the perfume says right on it ‘for girls’ and Cookie is a boy, but I want him to be a girl, so if I spray the perfume for girls on him, then he’s a girl!  Yes.  That makes perfect sense to any 7 year old, I imagine.  Then, being up for parent of the year and all, I went ahead and yelled at her some about opening the cage without an adult around, spraying perfume that smells like Coppertone anywhere in general and on small rodents in particular, and ended (parent of the year, remember) by calling her a murderer.  Then, I took her to catch the bus to school.  Once she was sufficiently blotchy and crying at a nice fever pitch.  

I returned home and Todd and I went to… well, dispose of the remains.  Here is a summary of our conversation:

T:  You were maybe a bit hard on her.

H:  I don’t really care, she broke the rules and I am ANGRY.  Look at that poor… omigod.  Baby, the hamster just moved.

T:  No, that hamster is dead as a doornail, it just looked like it moved because you are looking through the curve in the cage.

H:  (taking cage apart)  No, it MOVED.  Get this thing off here so that I can get him somewhere away from the perfume, um, fumes.

T:  Whatever, I am telling you, that thing is DEAD.

H: (putting dead hamster in big cardboard box) Just humor me then.

T:  OK, but its… omigod, you’re right, it’s moving.  

H:  See?  Not dead.  

T:  I still think it’s dead, maybe they are like chickens, and they spasm.

H:  Seriously? We need to google.

T:  Google, just call the vet!

H:  *I* am not calling the vet to ask about a dead but spasming hamster.

T:  (reflects for a second) Yea.  Google it is.

So, I googled.  Apparently, very sick and very cold hamsters can go into hibernation.  At which point, the helpful website told me, you will think its dead, because it barely breathes, and doesn’t move when you poke it.  However, not so dead, and you can bring them out of it by warming them up.  

I put Cookie in a box, and put the box on a chair with the ‘Cookie end’ I will call it, sticking out over the space heater.  Cookie began to spasm more often, and had moved up to almost constant shaking or twitching or mouth movement (all part of coming out of hibernation) before he actually died.  It was truly one of the more bizarre things I have witnessed in my life, right up there with the whole ‘liquid to solid over the speaker’ deal that I saw on Big Bang Theory and had to try for myself.  From dead to mostly dead to almost dead to dead again.  

Now, those of you paying attention may notice that we just slipped under the wire with the 15 day small animal guarantee Petco hands out.  So of course once Cookie finally kicked the bucket, I returned him.  At Petco, to return a small animal, you must bring both your original receipt AND the small animal in question.  So I marched into Petco, where the first person I encounter says to me, “Hey, whatcha got in the box?”  So I showed her.  That face was pretty cool, as you could tell she was getting ready to say “Awwww, how cute” before she saw what was actually inside.  At which point she tells me that the stupid thing died from some common hamster disease, not perfume poisoning.  Parent of the year, I say.  Vote now.

Those of you who actually know me also probably know that there is no way I am walking into a pet store with a dead pet and a credit and not coming out with a live pet.  So yes, Cookie has been replaced.  Only now the hamster is MINE, HER name is Daisy, she is a tiny baby thing, and she’s cuter than Cookie was on his best days.  Also she lives in the dining room, away from small children armed with perfume, just in case.  :)

The story behind it is thus:  I sent out the bitchy email with all my demands, got a few replies, one, from John F. over at Woodmen Nissan began “Well, you set the tone, so here’s what I want from you.  Give it to me and I will devote all my time and energy to getting you into another car.”  So I knew John was my guy.  I went out to get some cigarettes and a Full Throttle, called John on my way to 7-11, and discussed some options.  At this time, I have not showered, nor even brushed my hair, and I am in my pajamas.  (hidden Kerri shout out!)  I decide screw it, I am out already, let’s go look at this thing.  So I run down the street to Woodmen Nissan and take a look.  I don’t know what to think, then I sat in it and it was good, then I drove it and it got better.  Then negotiations started.  Let me spare you the painful details of wait, discuss, wait, repeat, and just say that John is a great dude, Colin in finance went to work for me, and I spent all afternoon at a car dealership in my jammies with messy hair.  After all that, I came on home with my new baby.   Naming contest is now in session, you win a random bag of crap from the back of the Montero if I pick your submission.  :)  

If you are in Colorado Springs and need a car, go on down to Woodmen Nissan.  Ask for John.  Tell him I sent you.  Yes, they have a referral deal and I will get some money if you buy a car, but I still wouldn’t tell you to go if I didn’t think it was by far the most pleasant car buying experience I have had at a dealership.

So, on to the point of the experiment.  Tonight I sent 14 emails to 14 dealerships detailing what I drive now, what I want out of a different vehicle, what is unacceptable in a car, and what is unacceptable in a salesperson.  I also described the numbers involved and told them (sort of nicely) that I didn’t want to waste any time, mine or theirs, and I didn’t want to be at their dealership for hours doing anything.  I ended it by saying ‘so, if you read this and I don’t sound like a total bitch and you think you can help, send me an email.’  We’ll see what happens, and I will keep you updated.

Speaking of updates, my feet look better but my camera card is full, so I can’t post today.  I’m another quarter of an inch down on my waist and my hips, my only excercise is the wii fit and walking around the neighborhood delivering Avon books.  Avon rocks.  And there ya go.

Now, for the after… The Wii fit is still just plain fun, and I have been doing it every day for… 15 days now. Except for 2 days when I was still trying to do it before bed instead of in the morning and decided that vodka and balance games are not as funny as you might think.  So.  After 15 days… I have not lost any weight, or gained any either.  Well, technically the thing said I was 117 this morning, which would be down 2 pounds, but that was only because I accidentally told it I was wearing 3 pounds of clothes, instead of 1 pound.  However, in the name of measurements the balance board doesn’t take, I also took my measurements as one would for making clothes, and am pleased to say that I have lost 1 inch from my waist and almost an inch (7/8 if you need exactness) from my hips.  Sweet.  That means that yes, the jeans that were once my fat jeans and then became my normal jeans are once again my fat jeans… I actually had to look for a belt the other day when they were all that was clean.

In other news, I have no other news.  For the first time in 14 months, I am without a certificate to play the monthly tournament in poker next month.  That makes me sad.  Course, I only played 3 times in August, so I’m not sure what I expected there.  Charlie is doing a report on stingrays for his animal unit.  Kayla still can’t read and has no interest in learning how, but she has more friends than any of the other first graders. Kibbles and Bits does something to Chewie that you do NOT want to hear any more about.  Dusty has an aural hematoma, which is ‘disgusting but harmless’ according to my vet.  Toby caught a hummingbird last week, which I think was just plain showing off.  And that is about it for our little family.

First, the Avon.  It’s not so easy to find a job that fits with my kids hours (or any job, really) as I thought it would be.  So, for the moment I am selling Avon and watching one of the neighbor kids before school.  Why Avon?  It’s cheap, if you do it right.  So many of these types of things cost a fortune to get started and then you have to pay for EVERYTHING.  Well, Avon cost me all of $10 to start up and they give you a ton of stuff for free and the rest you can choose to buy, or not so much.  In fact the only thing I HAVE to buy is the catalogs, and they are way cheap.  Plus the commission (or the discount, if you want to look at it that way) is pretty good too.  Anyway, to get back to why this is occupying all (half) of my time… I forgot how much time it takes to get into something completely new like that, and decided it would be a fine idea to sign up just about the time school started.  You know, when I have to start getting up early and back in the school year groove.  Brilliant.  And the downside to having all your training online and free is that there is a LOT of it, and you have to sit through stupid slideshows of diverse peoples telling you how to do the simplest of things for 25 minutes to get to the 5 minutes worth of things you don’t know how to do yet.  SO there’s that.

On to the Wii… I am currently obsessed with Wii Fit.  It makes me hurt.  I still do it.  Every day.  Is it making me more fit?  Hard telling, since it’s been only 4 days since wii (haha) got it, and I haven’t exactly stopped eating chips and dip for lunch or anything.  But I’m sore, so I’m guessing it’s better than what I was doing, which can best be summed up as nothing.  If you have been living under a rock, the Wii Fit is a game.  Of sorts.  It consists of a white plastic thingy that sits on the floor.  You stand on the thingy, which looks like the lid to one of those rubbermaid boxes basically, and play all these games, or do exercises with your superhot cartoon trainer dude named Jack.  Well, I named mine Jack, technically I believe he goes by ‘male trainer’.  There are 4 categories to the exergames:  Yoga, Strength, Aerobic, and Balance.  But before you get to that, you get weighed.  And measured.  (you have been weighed, you have been measured and you have been found wanting, that’s for Kerri.)  It’s called the body test or some such nonsense, and it’s totally the best part.  First it says you can step on, then it does this little sound like “oh!” as in “holy shit, you’re HEAVY!” when you do step on.  It gives you your weight and your BMI, tells you to set some goals, and off you go.  If anyone is interested in my stats, 119 and 17.94, which makes me underweight according to the thingy.  My pants disagree, but that’s a whole different argument.  Remember the chips and dip.  Oh, it tells you all sorts of things about your center of balance too.  Mine is slightly to the left.  :)  Then you get to do training, which consists of the exergames.  The Yoga and Strength categories you do with Jack.  The first Yoga exercise is called Deep Breathing.  I kid you not, the idea is to stand still and breathe.  I completely rock at it.  No one beats me on doing nothing.  The strength exercises make me want to kill Jack, however.  Especially anything to do with my upper body, which is woefully underdeveloped.  The Aerobic and Balance categories are different game type things.  The Hula Hoop game is so much fun, and I have decided everyone looks like a complete idiot doing it, except that one girl on YouTube, and I assume she isn’t human at all.  If you haven’t seen it (where is this rock you live under again?) go to YouTube and search ‘why every guy should buy his girlfriend a wii fit’.  Oh, there is also a step thing on the Aerobics which is hilarious, all these little cartoon people stepping up and down together.  Harder than it looks.  And you can run.  You stick the controller in your pocket and run in place.  Except I run around the coffee table, because when I run in place I do it all on my toes and it hurts my knees.  This is more fun than you would think, you have a little cartoon dude you follow through a park.  The Balance games are the most fun, and so funny.  One of them you try to hit soccer balls with your head.  Only I am horrible at it because really its counterintuitive for me to let anything hit me in the head.  And you have to dodge the occasional shoe and panda head too.  One of them you walk a tightrope and jump over some kind of possessed bear trap that comes down the rope at you.  There’s also a ski jump, a slalom course, and today I unlocked something where you float your bubble down a river.  On all of these you just sort of lean back and forth to do whatever.  Anyways, Wii Fit = Big Fun.  Even the sore parts.  I’ll talk about the other Wii stuff we have later on.

Let’s start from the beginning.  There is this stunningly convenient thing called the internet that allows you to buy tickets for all kinds of events, including baseball games, concerts, plane rides, and yes, even movies before you even get to the event venue.  Sometimes days beforehand.  There’s also this nifty thing that fire departments all over the country have instituted called ‘capacity’, which is a number equal to how many seats are in any given venue.  When buying tickets for baseball games, concerts, and plane rides over the internet, it becomes impossible to buy a ticket when the number of tickets sold equals the capacity of the venue.  This is however NOT the case when buying tickets to the movies, as I have personally experienced.  I have purchased movie tickets online exactly twice.  Both times I showed up to the theater a good bit ahead of the time the website told me to get there to ensure I got ‘good’ seats.  Both times I carefully read the gigantic bold print stating that my purchase GUARANTEED me a SEAT at the showtime I had selected in the theater I selected, for the movie I selected.  Both times, there were no seats for me.  Both times I was told I could go to a later showing.  In one case the next showing I could get seats for was only 15 minutes later, in the other case it was more than 2 hours later, exceeding by far the amount of time my babysitter (PREPAID babysitter) was willing to spend with my children, and rendering my night a gigantic waste of both time and money.  How to fix this?  I don’t know for sure, but I bet someone at Cinemark could call someone at Ticketmaster and say ‘Hey, how is it you guys write an online program that actually keeps track of how many seats are available at your venues, in real time?’ and the nice Ticketmaster people would tell them.

Next, I have to say that my $200,000 house and my $20,000 car both have systems allowing me to adjust the temperature for my comfort.  Again, I am not sure on the specifics, but I do know that I don’t have to leave my thermostat set on 54 degrees just in case 100 of my closest friends decide to stop by.

Next, enough already with the no outside food or drink.  Either let me bring it in, or charge less than $6 for your small popcorn.  And if you are going to go with the lower the prices route, stop selling things that are messy and/or crunchy.  If I have to shut off my cell phone altogether because even the vibration ‘noise’ may bother the people next to me, then I don’t want to step in the nacho cheese that the person next to me spilled all over the floor while they are crunching down on the chips they have left.  (yes, i did once have an usher ask me in the middle of a movie to shut off my cell phone, set on vibrate, because the sound it was making was bothering the people in the row ahead of me.)

Next, whatever happened to intermission?  Movies are only getting longer, and I would adore having 10 or 15 minutes in the middle to take care of things like bathroom runs, having a smoke, and telling someone that there is nacho cheese all over the floor.  Plus, that might stop the people who seem to be constantly either standing up in front of me, or pushing past me to get out of my aisle.

Next, commercials.  I pay good money to see movies at the theater because there are no commercials. So I don’t want any, not even just at the beginning.  Trailers don’t count.  I am talking about commercials – last time I was at the movies they played an At&t wireless commercial, a Best Buy commercial, a TV commercial, and a restaurant commercial.  Before the trailers.  And that isn’t counting the ‘slide show’ before the commercials before the trailers, of all the nice local realtors and dentists.  If you aren’t making money off the $9 admission fee and the $6 popcorn, something is wrong, cut some spending instead of taking on advertisers.

Next, stop rushing me out.  It’s a 2 hour movie, if I want to sit for 3 minutes til the cast list runs on an animated movie so I can see the voice I didn’t figure out, leave me the fuck alone to do it.  I paid $9 to get in, and my shoes have nacho cheese all over them, it’s the least you can do.

Next, you have cupholders, why not throw a cargo net thing over the backs of the seats so I have somewhere to put my purse where nacho cheese won’t get all over it?

Finally, popup footrests, recliner style.  Nuff said.

I keep reading outraged articles about how the movie industry is surprised that Sex In The City is a hit, because apparently the movie industry doesn’t think women go to the movies.  Maybe they are right, maybe we don’t.  And maybe it has nothing to do with what kind of movies are playing (I’ll go see Die Hard or Batman any day) and more to do with the fact that we are just smarter than men, and refuse to pay to go somewhere where we end up freezing with nacho cheese covered shoes.

Ok, so Ben and Jerry might have a hand in it too.  And maybe the 4 of them aren’t ruining my life, but they are certainly making sure I go through it with some extra poundage and a bit of a glazed sugar high look to my eyes.  I have to say, the Willie Nelson Country Peach Cobbler is some of the very bestest ice cream I have ever tasted in my whole life.  Giant chunks of peaches and nuggets of cinnamonny goodness.  Dave didn’t do too badly either.  I am slightly disappointed that I paid good money for something that said ‘Dave Matthews’ and ‘magic brownie’ on it and the only high I got was from the sugar, but I guess nothing’s perfect.  Dave’s flavor, besides being my favorite color, is all raspberry flavored with giant chunks of fudgy brownie pieces.  It’s no Peach Cobbler, but good if you like that sort of thing.  I’m off to enjoy some more, while I have it.  At $4 a pint, even with my coupon, the ice cream was about 15% of my entire shopping expense yesterday.  So I doubt I’ll be getting any more soon.  :)

Monica and Andy have reached a huge milestone in their path to adoption and I am so excited for them.  If any of you know someone who is thinking about giving up a child, email me and I will give you the Tanner’s info. When I get the information from Monica, I will put a link in my sidebar.  I have never met Monica and Andy in person, but I ‘talk’ to Monica more days than I don’t, and I know that no couple could be better parents than they will be.  They have been waiting a long time for a baby-to-be-named-later, and they deserve a quick and successful adoption journey.  Love you guys bunches!!

Speaking of good things happening to good people…  For the first time since Ruben Studdard, the person I wanted to win on American Idol actually won.  Well, assuming the only people I get to choose from are the ones that made the top 24 or whatever.  I’d start a blog called “Josiah Lemming got screwed hard-core” but that was so obvious I am sure someone has already done it.  Good luck with that hideous contract you are now locked into, David, can’t wait to hear new yummy songs.  

Speaking of American Idol, that would be when I first saw the new iTunes commercial, featuring Coldplay, the band-I-hate-only-a-tiny-bit-less-than-REM-and-a-tiny-bit-more-than-U2.  Not only is it pretty, as all i-something commercials are, with all that groovy background business and whatnot, but the song, Viva La Vida absolutely rocks.  It’s one of the best songs I’ve heard in a long while.  In fact, I rewound the Tivo 4 times because I simply didn’t believe it was Coldplay, the band-I-hate-only-a-tiny-bit-less-than-REM-and-a-tiny-bit-more-than-U2.  In the interest of open-mindedness, when I downloaded that song, I also hit up about 4 others off the new album.  No fear, they still suck, that iTunes song is just the exception proving it.  Funny story, years ago, when U2 had an iTunes commercial featuring Beautiful Day, I decided that must be the exception proving that U2 sucks.  God save me if REM comes out with an iTunes commercial, I guess, because I firmly stand by my conviction that if any REM finds it’s way onto my iPod it will explode in a haze of whiny, ugly, self-pitying bubbles.  Everybody hurts, indeed.

Speaking of bubbles… no, I’m kidding.  Wait, I can make this work.  I discovered that Vault, made by Coke, mind you, is the best soda going.  And it has bubbles!  (didn’t think I could do it, did you?  holly.world.) It tastes like… well, if you mixed Mountain Dew with Squirt with Sierra Mist, that might come close.  And it has caffeine, so yay.  Sorry, Kerri, looks like Amber is getting my codes now.  Not that I could ever find Mountain Dew with Pepsi points on it anyways.  

Speaking of drinks… we had dinner at On the Border tonight, where right on the front of the menu is a thing says ‘try our new Mexican Mojito!’   So after some serious arm twisting, I did.  For those of you unfamiliar with my mojito madness, or mojitos in general, a quick rundown.  A mojito is a lovely bit of drink consisting of rum, soda, sugar, fresh mint, and limes.  A fauxhito in holly.world. is not an alcohol free mojito, but a mojito made without fresh mint.  Since there isn’t much call for fresh mint at the bars I frequent, I don’t get a lot of good mojitos.  Now, this menu thing shows a picture of something with leaves floating right in it, so I must go for it, yes?  As it turns out, a Mexican mojito is tequila, cointreau, soda, agave syrup, fresh mint, and limes.  Yummy?  Yes indeed!  Just as yummy as your basic Cuban mojito, as it turns out.  And the bartender there wasn’t afraid to put half a lime in my glass, either, which I appreciate.  Nothing makes a mojito icky faster than the wrong balance of lime to mint.

Speaking of things that are icky… LOST being over.  House being over.  2 of my 3 favorite CSI’s being bullet-riddled.  Not knowing if Garcia blew up in a terrorist attack.  Going to the freaking movie theater. (really, I must need lessons, I am pretty sure other people can go there and actually SEE a movie, and also leave without yelling at a manager)  Giving my children gum. (my fuzzy chair, my feet, and my dogs may never be the same)  People who appear to be superheroes but aren’t.  Dogs who like to run through sprinklers.  The kind of presents my sweet Toby brings me. (humans don’t like dead things, but thank you vicious killer!)  Waiting an hour to play poker only to go out on the third hand I play.  Rushing to get the house cleaned so I can sit out back and read, then finishing just as the clouds come over.  

That’s it for this time, hopefully I will get to updating on a regular basis soon, as we are trying to inject a bit of consistency into our lives this summer.